Preservation Commandments Contest Co-Winner

#1

We are thy library, which have brought thee out of the land of

ignorance, and have delivered thee from the lack of books.

Thou shalt preserve no other books before ours.

Thou shalt not inscribe into thy books any graven images, nor any

notes, nor marginalia, nor any likeness of any words that occurreth to

thee, nor any phone numbers, no matter how beautiful she mightest be.

Thou shalt not underlineth, nor highlighteth; for the book shalt be

loant again, and wilt visit the inanity of thy scribblings unto the

third and fourth generation of readers.

We shalt shew mercy unto thousands of them that knoweth of Xerox

machines, and how to useth them, if they wisheth to write upon the

text.

The shalt not employeth thy book as a coaster, nor a doorstop, nor to

balance a table that wobbleth; nor shalt thou presseth thy flowers

therein.

Thou shalt not alloweth thine offspring to transformeth thy book into

confetti, nor to scribbleth therein, yea though it be with Crayolas.

Thou shalt not permitteth Rover to cheweth upon thy book, nor to

tinkleth thereon, nor likewise any canine, nor feline, nor birds of

the cage, nor reptiles of the aquarium, nor any living thing that

excreteth upon the earth.

Thou shalt not rippeth out pages.

Thou shalt not bloweth thy nose upon thy book, nor spitteth upon it,

nor droppeth thy dung upon it.

Thou shalt not leaveth the heavens to rayne upon the book, nor

permitteth it to fall into a mud puddle; also preserveth it from

fire, and keepeth it from brimstone, lest ye likewise be consumed by

the wrath of those who shalt levy upon thee many onerous fees.

Thou shalt not shelve thy book on its edge with the spine up.

If thou seest silverfish that groweth fruitful and multiplieth upon

the book, and muncheth thereon, thou shalt informeth thy Preservation

Librarian; likewise for any mold or fungus that appeareth upon it, or

any spots that looketh suspiciously like unto mold or fungus.

By Jeff Taylor, RS Cataloging and Authorities

#2

1. Thou shalt have no other books before the library books. Treat

them not as thy own but better, for the librarians are vengeful and

will extract fees for losses and damage.

2. Thou shalt not covet the library books. Return them on time.

Remember: there are patrons besides thyself.

3. Thou shalt not commit photocopying in such a way that it damageth

the spine lest thy own spine be equally broken by a vengeful

librarian.

4. Thou shalt not attempt to steal library books, for thou will

subject all present to the wailing of the alarm system.

5. Honor thy librarians for they are a much beleaguered lot and don't

always have time to find a book for thee.

6. Thou shalt not rip out pages.

7. Thou shalt not give library books to your dog, cat, goldfish,

ocelot, orangutan, or pangolin, for library book glue is tasty to

animals and they will destroy them.

8. Thou shalt not attempt to taste library book glue for thyself

either. If thy curiosity is so strong, go buy books for thyself and

lick them.

9. Thou shalt not eat while reading library books for this will cause

damage and attract pests. Eating should be done at a less important

time, such as when thou art driving.

10. Thou shalt not bathe while reading library books. Thy fingers are

more slippery than thee may realize, and when thou droppest a library

book in the bath, it will be revealed to all what a grand ninny thou

art.

By Chris Waldrop, RS Order Services